Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Quick, to the slutcave!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
