do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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