Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
