Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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