Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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