so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
