you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
ok first of all what the fuck
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
