His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
