i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
