and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
