That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
