My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
