If i come over, it means nothing
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
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I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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