I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
