Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
