My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
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so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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