yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
