my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
