I CAN MOONWALK!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
