HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
