I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
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What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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