dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
