im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
