her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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