I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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