if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
