I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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