My first STD was from a foam party
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
