The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
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I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
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Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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