Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk

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(508): Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk http://tfl.nu/jmus

Replies (37) Good night (1623) Bad night (8863)
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(703): View more from Virginia

She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.

(540): View more from Virginia

Ew, and?!

(703): View more from Virginia

Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.

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(703): She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal. (540): Ew, and?! (703): Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards. http://tfl.nu/xpq2

Replies (36) Good night (1024) Bad night (7794)
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(276): View more from Virginia

So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!

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(276): So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job! http://tfl.nu/fkyk

Replies (11) Good night (3854) Bad night (934)
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(970): View more from Colorado

I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.

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(970): I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision. http://tfl.nu/ny2a

Replies (11) Good night (2919) Bad night (1343)
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(727): View more from Florida

Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...

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(727): Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo... http://tfl.nu/pcov

Replies (13) Good night (2794) Bad night (974)
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level

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(484): Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level http://tfl.nu/da15

Replies (2) Good night (1817) Bad night (641)
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(713): View more from Texas

I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you

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(713): I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you http://tfl.nu/33e4

Replies (7) Good night (586) Bad night (1080)
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(229): View more from Georgia

Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.

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(229): Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night. http://tfl.nu/rfsw

Replies (0) Good night (1318) Bad night (566)
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(334): View more from Alabama

seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.

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(334): seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before. http://tfl.nu/yzzl

Replies (7) Good night (1180) Bad night (988)
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(607): View more from New York

You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.

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(607): You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house. http://tfl.nu/rggh

Replies (12) Good night (1548) Bad night (560)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?

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(651): How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now? http://tfl.nu/kz7z

Replies (8) Good night (967) Bad night (434)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.

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(603): Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me. http://tfl.nu/xrxi

Replies (2) Good night (387) Bad night (595)
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(703): View more from Virginia

Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.

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(703): Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out. http://tfl.nu/hcks

Replies (3) Good night (740) Bad night (545)
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(646): View more from New York

His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.

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(646): His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex. http://tfl.nu/fp57

Replies (2) Good night (304) Bad night (550)
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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.

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(321): Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning. http://tfl.nu/diz8

Replies (2) Good night (661) Bad night (279)

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