Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back