Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
