just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.