I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
