..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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