after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
