I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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