it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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