You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
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I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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