he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
