i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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