Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
