It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
