Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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