Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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