I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
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