Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
