my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
