3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
