The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
