I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
