If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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