I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
