Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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