I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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