Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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