who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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