I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Where did you get a picture of my penis
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
