every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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