I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
