The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize