her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
