I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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