I am midnight drunk by noon
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
